Pamphlets
by ZaKai
Summary: Ed decides to have some fun at Mustang's expense. :Oneshot, Humor, Non-Yaoi:


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**Pamphlets**

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Ed stepped out of the medical office and stretched. Apparently it was mandatory for new recruits to have a medical exam to be sure they were healthy. At twelve-years-old, Ed was in top shape—with the exception of a missing arm and leg—so there really hadn't been much for the medical officer to do.

While the appointment had been short and uneventful—except for the tense moment when Ed had asked the doctor if he'd start growing more, and his response that there was no way to know—Ed had found it to be rather boring and was glad to be done.

Sitting down on one of the steps, Ed rummaged through the sack of pamphlets and papers he'd been given. The doctor had said the bags were already packed with standard materials and that, because of his age, some of it wouldn't apply to him yet, but Ed was still curious to see what was in there.

He flipped through them, stopping to read some out of interest or curiosity. He paid a little more attention than normal to the pamphlet on puberty that the medical officer had dredged up and added to the sack, and wondered hopefully if that phase of his life would leave him taller than his childhood had.

And then he stopped on one specific pamphlet, Ed grinned widely, put the pamphlets and papers back in the sack, then took off running toward the middle entrance to headquarters. Rushing though the door and up the stairs, Ed saw Hawkeye and stopped.

"Is Mustang in his office?" he asked, gasping for breath and unable to keep a grin from his face.

"Why...?" she asked suspiciously.

"I just have something for him, that's all," he said, then added, "It's really important." It _was_ important—to his plans. If he didn't do this now, he didn't know when he'd get another chance because there was no way Al would agree to what he was planning.

"Actually, the lieutenant colonel is in a meeting," she explained.

"Perfect!" Ed said ecstatically, turning to head toward the conference rooms. He couldn't have asked for a better setting.

* * *

Roy glanced around the large table and felt a twinge of satisfaction. There were only three lieutenant colonels in the room. The rest were colonels and generals; and, of course, the fuhrer himself. He was pleased to be here and felt confident that he would make colonel within the next year or two—sooner if he was lucky.

"We're all impressed by that young man you found, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang," Fuhrer Bradley said jovially. "A very bright boy; full of life, that one."

Roy smiled graciously and inclined his head slightly. Ah yes... Edward Elric was definitely full of life. That was a very polite way of saying it at least. But then, they hadn't had a chance to get to know how obnoxious the kid could be when he wanted to be. Granted, Ed had his serious side, and he showed it often, but he was also twelve. No matter how mature, twelve was still twelve, and Ed still liked to play.

There were appreciative murmurs around the table before one man, a general, asked with a grin, "How does it feel to have a kid under your command?"

Roy opened his mouth to speak when the door to the conference room flew open. Everyone glanced at the door in surprise to see the person in question standing there with a sack in one hand, a pamphlet in the other, and a wide grin on his face.

Walking jauntily into the room, Ed slapped the pamphlet down on the table and said loudly, "I just got back from the medical office and I thought you might like this pamphlet on erectile dysfunctions!"

Instant laughter sounded around the room and Roy felt his face flush with humiliation. With all the dignity he could muster, Roy murmured, "How thoughtful of you..." Better to not kill the boy in front of his superiors, he told himself over and over again, though he wouldn't be held responsible for what happened after the meeting...

Cackling loudly in pure delight, Ed turned and started out of the room with an unapologetic, "Sorry for the disturbance, everyone!"

When the door shut behind him, Roy looked blandly at the general, raised an eyebrow as if to indicate that the question he'd posed should have been answered sufficiently, then turned his attention to the fuhrer who was still chuckling, but diplomatic enough to continue the meeting without any further discussion of Ed.

* * *

This is unbetaed and I'll admit to posting it 'hot off the press', so I hope there aren't that many mistakes haha. Hope you liked it and thought the idea was as amusing as I did. Thanks for reading. :)


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